


What We Cannot Hold

by TuxedoGal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Self-Doubt, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, canon until chapter 367, ch 367 killed me, chapter 365-367 spoilers, dumbasses in love, guys i just wanted hinata being a mess and literally booking it outta there, haikyuu manga spoilers, i know furudate won’t give me this so i made it myself, idk if this is ooc or hinata being feverish and impulsive lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2020-11-23 21:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20896544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuxedoGal/pseuds/TuxedoGal
Summary: SPOILERSfor the current Haikyuu Manga Chapters 365-367!!!!It’s when Hinata is driven further away from the court that he sees his team lose in live footage and the tablet nearly falls to the ground between his slackened fingers. Yachi catches the device, her eyes trained on the screen in shock.“Stop the car,” he says.Shimada utters, “Huh, what- Hinata we’ve got to take you to”-“I said: STOP. THE CAR!” He doesn’t wait for the loud screech of tires before he’s bolting it out of the stopping car. Yachi’s reflex to grab onto his coat is too slow to catch anything but air as the car door remains swung open into oncoming traffic.Hinata can hear the yelling and screaming of their calls, but he does the only thing he can do.He runs.





	1. To lose without you

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Haikyuu manga chapters 365-367!!!! If you aren’t caught up with the manga don’t read!!!! This is probably a little ooc but i wanted to explore Hinata as an impulsive teenager and the emotions of the match kinda just get a hold of him, and just: angst. Like I needed serious angst man after 367 happened.

“Hinata Shoyo!” Hoshiumi yells from across the net, “I’ll be waiting for you!” 

Hinata pauses, his eyes lock onto the wing spiker’s stare across the net, whose eyebrows are determinedly furrowed. Those wide eagle-like eyes hold an unmistakable eager glint, which promises a future match where the stakes are just as high. As his eyes meet their opponent they also stray to Kageyama’s back like a magnet pulling to a fridge. He can't help it. Kageyama’s earlier proclamation promised no change between the two of them, so he has the relief of knowing the boy doesn’t plan to go easy on him now that he’s gotten a fever. That their promised endless competitive partnership will not be over because of a dumb childish excitement that shot Hinata’s future game in the foot. His nose is still runny and his face is on fire from overheating his body. The leftover tears at the edges of his eyes sting uncontrollably while he stares across at Kageyama, who turns around, somehow sensing Hinata’s blazing look as a cautious deer would in the face of a looming predator.

Hinata once prided himself in his heedless excitement, and constant restlessness for the upcoming matches against remarkable opponents. But now, he hated it more than anything. 

If he’d been more cautious like Yamaguchi or, hell, even Tsukishima. If he spared his energy. If he hadn’t made so many wrong choices. When Kageyama’s blue eyes catch onto his own, Hinata bows at the both of them: the spiker he hopes to face once again in another tense match and to his partner, Kageyama, for picking up their scattered team into something comprehensible now that he’s forced to abandon them. 

Yamaguchi mumbles, “This way,” with a tug of his arm to the direction of the exit. Hinata’s stomach plummets further, his head dizzy from the fever but also from the remaining high of adrenaline from the match that his mind still believes his body to be in. He can’t switch the numbers off in his brain. If he closes his eyes he thinks he’ll see the scoreboard looming hauntingly behind him, white numbers a harsh reality of their team’s current bleak state in the match. Yachi tells Yamaguchi to head back to the bench in case they needed him, and the boy doesn’t wait any further, scurrying back to an extremely worried looking Suga whose eyes follow the two distant first-years as they walk to the exit. 

Yachi strides confidently forward and she pushes open the double doors in front of her in one dramatic strong swoop of her hands. Hinata is impressed by the back of Yachi’s shoulders, straight and unwavering as she walks two steps ahead. There’s a slight relief that at least one person around him isn’t irrationally giving up their hopes of winning their ticket to the finals.

It's only after the large doors close behind them does he notice Yachi's fingers trembling anxiously, a tell of the falsehood that was her sturdy stance. Hinata is suddenly reminded that Yachi is only a teen, like himself. How could she not be shaking when Hinata's ears are still ringing from Takeda-sensei's pep talk?

The double doors shudder closed behind them, a mournful sound signaling the separation of Hinata from the court. He should be used to this sound by now, being shut away from the court, but he’s not. And he hates this too. The noises of the loud crowd and court are muffled by the metal doors, barely a mumble of noise in the eerily silent hallway. 

After Takeda's speech, he has been painfully aware of his young age. None of this is in his control, to think otherwise was ridiculous, he's not even a second year yet. His body had a mind of its own, when it wants to go and when it doesn’t. The complete lack of control he had, truly scared him. 

His mind was so preoccupied with trying harder. To keep on going until he couldn’t think anymore, while his body could barely stand properly without his vision blurring on what Hinata knows must be tears and the affects of a fever. Yachi tells him to wait by the entrance while she grabs any other supplies they need from the locker rooms that Shimizu suggested her to retrieve earlier. 

Thankfully, Kenma arrives shortly afterwards with a quiet sense of support only the cat-eyed boy could provide. His presence has a calming effect on Hinata, the familiarness of recent text conversations and a small smile reassures him far greater than a simple pat on the shoulder ever could. And most importantly: he brought a way for him to watch the match while Hinata leaves. He’s more thankful than can be properly expressed through words so he immediately darts his eyes to the screen, the presence that is Kenma evaporating completely in favour of zeroing into the match and where everyone is positioned. He doesn’t even hear Kenma say goodbye and leaving back to the stands. 

Mere minutes later, Yachi has to pry the tablet from his sweaty palms for him to forcibly tear his eyes away and actually put on some layers of clothing before they head out into the cold December air. Yachi hands him a warm coat, a face mask, the thick hoodie he left in his gym bag, and what he thinks is Suga’s winter scarf from how the pale blue material smells faintly of a lilac-like freshener. As he wraps the scarf around his neck he realizes it's a typical smell that reminds Hinata of how Suga's hugs usually smell like whenever he tells Hinata goodbye before he bikes home late after practice. The memory is a small comfort which tugs a sense of longing to be near his reassuring senpai that always supports him. His eyes train back onto his senpai's reliable back on the screen while Yachi leads them forward along with Shimada-san who met up with Yachi on her way to the locker rooms earlier and planned to drive them to the nearest clinic.

Apparently, Shimada parked too far away in the tightly-packed parking lot so instead he calls one of the cabs lining the busy street as Yachi and Hinata stay absorbed in the glow of the tablet’s screen.

After Asahi spikes harshly onto Kamomedai’s court, Yachi hands him a hand-warming packet. Hinata glances at her hand poking the packet into his free hand that is anxiously gripping the bottom edge of his coat. “Here. To keep your hands warm,” she says. He takes the packet and shoves it into his pocket. While Yachi begins to take hold of the tablet, he notices she has gloves on, so her hands aren’t tinging red like his own. “Don’t worry I can hold the tablet, just focus on staying warm.”

Hinata nods, but his eyes were still glued to the screen. Shimada gets them a cab and he keeps the tablet close to him, anchoring his eyes to the orange and black uniforms of his teammates. And if his eyes keep straying to a certain intense looking setter, he doesn’t think much of it. He hasn’t seen Kageyama so greatly in his element from afar in a long time. It’s strange seeing it from far away, separated by a screen rather than up close and beside him. The match’s energy pulls him to his partner’s side, but the cab drives further and the ball flies faster across the court. The sight is painful to watch, like an accident waiting to happen, a mere breath away from complete catastrophe. He’s almost scared to blink or he’ll miss the deciding moment.

...

They lose.

Hinata sees the final moment on the tablet. His grip on the device wavers, nearly dropping, if it weren’t for Yachi quickly grabbing it from his slack fingers. His forehead is panging painfully and his face is on fire from this traitorous fever, but his mind is strangely quiet. Like he already knows.

"Stop the car." Hinata stares forward, hands gripping the door handle of the still moving car. Yachi is still too busy watching the abandoned tablet screen in shock to respond. Shimada turns his head confused, unaware of the fact that Karasuno has lost whilst making small talk to the driver. The bespectacled man who is Yamaguchi’s mentor doesn’t know that it’s over. Hinata wishes he could be him, naively hopeful of their team’s success. He seems to understand Hinata’s request, though belatedly, “What? Hinata, we’ve got to take you to”-

“I said, STOP. THE CAR!” 

This time the cab driver automatically responds to the command, clearly believing in the urgency of his tone. Perhaps thinking Hinata might be seriously sick to his stomach. The minute the tires screech, Hinata bolts out the car door, Yachi’s reflex of reaching out to his coat a tad too slow to completely get a grip on him. Instead, her shaking fist is left with air and she scrambles to follow him out.

“Stay here!” Shimada orders Yachi since Hinata’s door was on the side of traffic, leading unsafely to the road and not wanting to risk the injury of anymore students. Luckily, no cars are driving behind them or from the intersection ahead so Hinata pushes his protesting legs into a jog back the way they came, hopping over onto the sidewalk. He quickly makes note that they’ve only made it two blocks from the athletic centre that the matches are taking place. The run won’t be very long. 

"HINATA?!" he hears Shimada yelling a minute later, and can also hear his out of breath gasps as he attempts to chase after Hinata with expletives on his tongue at his own lack of speed. The orange haired boy clenches his fist in his warm pocket where Yachi's heating packet remains sitting, knowing that the warmth will keep him lasting through the brisk winds slamming into his tear streaked face. He wonders if the tears will freeze on his face, sticking to him as a painful reminder of what he has caused his team to lose.

Hinata is in disbelief that his legs are somehow still able to move this fast despite his condition, but he knows it’s the adrenaline pulling him back towards the court, rather than any physical strength. The need to see the team overwhelms him. He can’t be facing this loss miles and miles away from the team. The anger burns secondhand after the shock of the loss. He knows it was for the best, that he didn’t deserve to stand on the court till the end, but the thoughts still swirl - the what ifs plague his consciousness in rushes of the need to find some sort of possibility for them to have won the game. Ultimately, the hurt of being told he wasn’t allowed on the court still stings, a worse wound than their team’s loss, for it’s the reason they lost in the first place. He runs, heart beating and legs shaking between each step forward. The orange haired boy had one burning goal in mind, a question ready to be spit past his lips viciously. He ran to his partner, the ache between his chest tugging uncontrollably, back to his setter’s side.

By the time he makes it indoors he can barely stand upright and a large crowd had formed after the match finished. All of the audience is gathering near the entrance, talking among themselves or buying merchandise before heading back home. At first, it’s a sea of unfamiliar faces, but by chance he happens to literally bump into Saeko-nee san in his haste to reach the locker rooms to see his team. He knows if Takeda or Coach Ukai discover him he’ll be sent back to the nearest walk-in clinic or hospital, and also get a long-winded lecture accompanied by a punishment. He'd prefer to deal with the repercussions later on. Running into an adult was the most terrible luck ever, at least if it were Tanaka he would be angry as he pulled him into a violently tight hug that would've felt comforting after the loss.

“Hinata? What are you”-

“Where’s the team?” Hinata’s voice trembles and he hopes his eyes aren’t still watering cause it’d be extremely embarrassing in front of someone as cool as Saeko-nee san. The tone of his voice seems to waver her intentions to act as an adult about to scold him.

The taller woman puts her arm around his shoulder with a sigh. Her headband is crooked and he can tell by the heat of her arm that she had been cheering the hardest out there. Hinata peers at the ground, ashamed to face her after letting her down. The sight of Suga’s blue scarf as he ducks his head nearly leads to another wave of tears in his eyes at the thought of the Third Years' broad backs and tight smiles as they talked animatedly about winning nationals. Hinata’s heart shakes with his head, he hesitates his step toward the changerooms where they’d all likely have congregated to after the loss.

Saeko opens her mouth and closes it, at a loss for words. She attempts to lead him to a less crowded area, away from the recognizing calls of, “Look it’s number ten!” “Did, ya see him?!” “It’s too bad he got sick, man, what a bummer.” 

When Saeko raises her head from checking on Hinata's lost look, her narrow eyes meet the sight of Tsukishima’s brother, who she motions a negative for him to approach, before steering the trembling and upset Hinata to where she recognizes as the hallway towards the locker rooms for the teams. Before she can begin to come up with words of encouragement, Shimuzu appears from around a corner miraculously, like an angel sent from heaven. The bespectacled manager nearly clipped into their shoulders in her rush to push around the corner. Hinata’s face crumpled, head curved down in an awkward mix of sadness to the third-year and shame for running back on his own despite being sick.

Surprisingly, Shimuzu’s touch on his shoulder is soft as her voice, “I expected this.”

Hinata startles, mouth gaping. Saeko salutes at their manager before turning to leave back to the main entrance, confident in the manager's ability to take care of the team.

“You don’t want to talk with me, do you?” she smiles lightly. Her eyes have reddened at the edges, but the worst of the sadness seems to have passed her already. Her cheeks are dry and there are no smudges in her glasses that might’ve revealed any distress. Hinata wonders if the stream he watched was lagging, that he’d arrived far later after the loss than he thought he had, perhaps the team was already about to leave the center, getting ready to board the bus back to the hotel. A loss already grieved over without him present.

“He’s by the vending machines, near the bathrooms. He said he needed a drink.” That’s all Shimizu says to him, and its enough. He pivots on his heel to the direction she casually pointed to with deep grief seeping out of his limbs, leaving him aching for a way to fill the empty spot in his heart where the nationals were meant to situate.

...

Kageyama is indeed at the vending machines when Hinata stumbles around the corner of the stairs to the lower levels. The tall setter is glaring at the drinks rather than attempting to reach out and choose one of them, the strangeness of his hesitation in his stance already angering Hinata. Kageyama always wants a milk carton, to pretend otherwise further shook away any presumed normalcy between them. Hinata's fingers curled harshly into fists and he stomped to the boy he's been magnetically rushing towards this entire time.

"H-hinata?!" Kageyama utters, eyes so comically wide that Hinata would usually tease him for it if he weren't already so peeved by the situation they're in. The first shock eases to understanding as it usually does between the two of them. "You saw the match." It wasn't a question and the answer was far too obvious to remark on any further. The orange haired teen instead grips Kageyama's collar as he tugs him backwards, Kageyama's limbs not even remotely resisting the rough push. Hinata practically growls in irritation at the lack of response, the setter's shoulder nearly rams into the vending machine as Hinata pushes him into the washrooms. 

Once inside, he shoves Kageyama to the sinks where a boy in his middle school years startles whilst washing his hands, and practically sprints out of the washroom after seeing the livid gaze of the small decoy. The only sound is the squeak of the door as it thuds closed. Hinata's hands are still curled at Kageyama's collar, he doesn't realize they're shaking harshly, too preoccupied with his glare at the taller boy in front of him. Hinata grips tighter into this still warm fabric of Kageyama’s sweaty jersey and shakes his setter instead. The stiff body of his gives away to his rough actions immediately and the boy avoids Hinata's deeply frustrated gaze. Kageyama sighs, mouth opening, but Hinata stalls the potential words harshly, "Don't you dare fucking apologize after I've left."

Kageyama's head shakes as he curls his head to the side. Long damp black bangs cover his red eyes and Hinata wants to push him further into the sink, until his back is aching from the awkward angle. He wants to shake him so hard against the mirror that those piercing blue eyes are on him again. Anything else only gets him further away from any resolution, any possible answer to his burning question. Hinata hated himself for this impulsive emotion, to wreck, to tell, to hurt in the face of his own hurt, but he's not thinking rationally and Kageyama is practically standing as still as a corpse with arms hanging loose at his side’s. The defeat of his stance feels wrong, a painting not quite right, the perspective or the colours off- Kageyama becoming this tired and unmotivated is not _right_.

Hinata cannot stop himself any longer. He shakes, and shakes the setter's torso in his clammy hands that clench the heat of Kageyama’s sweaty jersey uncaringly.

His voice breaks, "Why didn't you use me?! Why didn't you put me in like you said you would?!"

The question flares between them as he gasps on heavy breaths, his vision blurring between frustrated tears of guilt for leaving his team alone to defend for themselves and the result of this abandonment. Oh how he wanted Kageyama to tell the coach otherwise, to believe in Hinata's ability to keep standing in the court till the end. Why was his body like this, why wasn't it stronger? Why did they lose? He's not even seeing Kageyama's face. Hinata can barely see his own hands in front of him amidst the wet streaks clouding his vision into blurry masses of light and dark. 

Kageyama touches Hinata's fisted hands so gently and calmly that he can only look down at where the two of them are touching in confusion. He notices his red clammy hands are shaking in the urgency of his grip, that Kageyama's calloused palms are steady as he is during a match, unwavering and sturdy in their reliability as they hold over the violent curl of Hinata's hands. The largeness of his hands over his reddened knuckles eases his grip to a simple touch of hands against Kageyama's trembling chest from being caught in an uneven sigh. The taller boy breathes out, his voice tiny as he opens his mouth.

"I didn't want to hurt you." The voice cracks, a vulnerable sound Hinata is undeserving to hear.

Hinata looks up from their joined hands slowly, Kageyama's tear streaked face furrowed from their loss but also in an unbridled worry that Hinata finds unrecognizable.

"H-hurt me?" Hinata echoes.

"You dumbass, you're barely standing up right now and your forehead is _burning_, being in a match would've only made things worse!" Kageyama says, this time he's the one gripping onto Hinata's slack hands, the steady grip around his wrist is surprisingly chilly. The setter's hand shoots out before Hinata can even protest, slapping onto Hinata's reddening forehead. The touch is relievingly cool, and Hinata unconsciously butts into it, his eyes closing. Kageyama stands there, his blue eyes determined as he feels the blazing heat emitting from the small boy's head. 

"You shouldn't be worrying about us, Hinata."

"How can I not?" Hinata's voice tumbles out, eyebrows furrowing below Kageyama’s strangely gentle touch. He hates how much more his body wants to lean into the cool relief those calloused fingertips can offer him for an eternity. Hinata’s barely standing on his wobbly legs, but he doesn’t want to leave Kageyama's side at the moment. He longs to be with the team as they carry on from this lost match. 

Kageyama snorts as he pulls his tempting finger away from the sweaty forehead that bobs forward to follow him unconsciously. "Maybe cause you look dead on your feet right now, Suga would kill you if he saw you like this, you're lucky he isn't barging in here right now looking for me." 

Hinata groans at the annoying thought, "don't _say that_. Shimizu-senpai told me to see you, she's probably holding them off anyways." He then softly nuzzles his head into Kageyama's chest, his nose scrunched from the sweaty smell, but relieved to not be standing on his own shaky limbs without support. 

Kageyama grunts in what Hinata guesses is acknowledgement before he feels the reassuring hand against his back, bracing him in a one armed hug against his chest. Hinata huddles closer and the taller boy huffs a mumble of, "you dumbass," while his other hand cards his long fingers in Hinata's curly tufts of hair. 

He suddenly grips into Hinata's scalp, pushing his head back with a quick pull of his sweaty hair. Their eyes meet, and Hinata's heart doubles its speed on its own. His amber eyes blink up, confused by the seriousness of the setter's gaze. Kageyama grips tighter until it feels like he might rip Hinata's hairs out, but the stark intention in the boy's unmoving gaze doesn't let Hinata dwell any further on any possible hair loss. Like a tug of a string, he's already enraptured and frozen until Kageyama speaks.

"You know," he remarks, attempting to start casually. His brows furrowed further as though he were saying a complex math problem rather than simply talking to a teammate. It had Hinata far more curious and invested than he should be over a simple sentence.

"You did great out there, you know that, right?" 

Hinata opens his mouth, heart stuttering as quickly as his breath, unable to respond to such a direct compliment coming from _Kageyama_. What the hell, the same guy who could barely let out a "nice job" to his teammates on the court, let alone as he directly looked into Hinata's previously tearful eyes. Luckily his cheeks were already flushed red from his fever, so any added embarrassment wasn't given away to the setter.

"Um," he responds.

"Cause you did amazing. Okay?" Kageyama reassures, "This is not _your_ fault, you hear me?" He shakes Hinata's head in his grip lightly, as if that would somehow convince him of this fact. "You played until you got to this state, which means you gave it your all, dammit."

Hinata closes his eyes unable to face the genuinity of Kageyama's words, he despises how true those words are, how he did try his hardest and they still reached nothing. It all felt so unfair. He found himself grappling onto his partner in a tight hug, both his arms tugging harshly into the back of Kageyama's uniform collar as an anchor to this moment. The setter only stumbles slightly to counterbalance the sudden change of position, a little sigh of relief escaping his lips from this affectionate reaction. 

Hinata shook his head in disbelief, "Bakeyama, since when do you say nice things?" His laugh comes out as a cough caught between a sniffle of his nose running and possibly more useless tears to cloud his vision once again. 

The previously painful grip in his hair is gone in favor of a gentle stroke of artful fingers between the strands of matted hair, attempting to ease any tangles as he hums. "Shut up, dumbass. I can be nice. When I want to be."

Hinata grins, "You did great too."

"Yeah, I know."

"It wasn't enough to win," he admits sadly.

"No, it wasn't," Kageyama responds because what else can he say to the feverish boy in his arms except for the truth? Kageyama wasn't cruel enough to speak feeble lies meant to ease one's worries, he'd tell Hinata as it is. "This isn't the last time though, there's other chances for us out there."

Hinata can only numbly nod as he messily rubs his tears against Kageyama's already dirtied jersey. The door to the washroom doesn't open and the only sounds audible are the unmistakable sniffles of barely held back tears. Two partners stand closely together, in mourning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys is it bad that I want some serious action paced drama with the romantic trope of running out of a moving car like a crazy person??? like only Hinata would ever do this dramatic shit, let’s be real, the boy literally went to a special training camp he wasn't even invited to, the guy lives on the edge of life. Is this ooc? Probably ooc cause I like drama and people being bad with feelings. Hinata is also feverish so you can’t blame him for acting irrationally lol
> 
> i haven't read ch. 368 yet cause i planned to write this first before it affect my self-indulgent desire to see some angst followed by comforting fluff between one of my fave ships. like i just need some kagehina fluff sometimes after hinata finishes yelling his guts out!


	2. All that's left is to heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The freak duo briefly faces their team after the sudden loss of a chance to continue playing volleyball together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to just add another chapter, I don't know whether or not I'll continue this, because this was initially a one-shot, but now it has become a two-shot, so ugh. We'll see if I'll have the time to write another one in the midst of schoolwork.

After Kageyama’s arms began cramping from curling around Hinata’s tiny shoulders for too long, he pulls away from the feverish boy and begins scratching at his cheekbone, a bad habit of his to quell his own restlessness over these actions between them. It was one thing to lose, but also to tell Hinata such embarrassing truths to his face? How will he ever look at him straight in the eye without completely combusting into a pile of dust? 

Kageyama did not know the answer to this question, but he didn’t have the time to waste on panicking over his rash actions when Hinata was standing in front of him red-faced from a fever that has his legs wobbling underneath him as if he were about to collapse against the sinks behind them in order to remain standing.

The setter turns around to the doors that lead outside, but Hinata stumbles after him and curls his small fingers into the back of his jersey, pulling him back a step. Kageyama rubs his temple, annoyed by the sudden close proximity that has his heart stuttering unevenly. He suggests over his shoulder, "Go back to Yachi and Shimada-san and get checked by a medic, before your fever gets worse." It was the logical answer, really, he doesn’t know why he has to spell this out for Hinata who is visibly trembling from feverish shivers.

The sick middle blocker shakes his head, staying attached to the back of Kageyama's jersey as the setter attempts to leave. 

Hinata grumbles, barely audible against the setter’s uniform, "I'm staying with you."

"Seriously?"

He can feel Hinata nodding despite being hidden behind his back, from the slight jostle of his jersey. Kageyama sighs, and opens his mouth to scold Hinata, but the downward meek tilt of Hinata’s head to the ground has him giving in to the boy’s request immediately, "At least let me tell Daichi-san first or he'll think I'm lost in the building." 

As they walk back to the locker rooms together he tells himself it’s not because of his own need to make sure Hinata is okay, but instead to quell the whining of an annoyed Hinata that would surely complain if he disagreed. He wasn’t that worried. 

Kageyama holds the door open for Hinata and internally curses when his heart skips as they brush shoulders, his mind recalling their warm (but far too teary on Hinata’s part) hug from earlier. He scrubs his cheek violently in response, hoping to physically push away any ridiculous longing that wells up in him. Why would he want to be close with _Hinata_, of all people anyways? The guy sang songs on the way to the bathroom like a five-year old and his hair was ridiculously _poofy_, never quite sitting correctly. The setter’s body was acting irrationally, surely.

…

He should’ve expected this, the minute they’re in the locker room, various levels of shouting or exclaiming of Hinata’s name can be heard. Noya and Tanaka are immediately barreling into them so violently, he has to stand in front of the lightheaded Hinata in hopes of blocking most of the force. He somehow balances on two feet in the midst of Tanaka nearly headbutting into him in his rush to greet them.

"Hinata's back? They already checked you out?!" Noya questions, half screaming his statement as if the two boys were not mere steps away from them. Well, Noya already wraps an eager arm around Hinata, and ruffles his hair as he usually would. Hinata half-stumbles on his shaky feet from the sudden attention on him.

"No, he ran here like an idiot when he saw the match end," Kageyama corrects him. 

"You did?!" Tanaka exclaims with a loud laugh that is characteristic of his usual cheerfulness, the extreme contrast from his earlier devastation Kageyama had seen earlier almost hurts to watch.

"What did you think of Asahi-san’s spike? It was amazing right?" Noya mentions swiftly, attempting to carry on the idle chatter without speaking of the loss that still aches in all of their bones. He can tell their senpais are attempting to hold ecstatic faces contrasting their earlier quietness. Noya and Tanaka are likely acting cheerfully in order to not burden the already sick Hinata any further. Their senpais were currently badgering Hinata with various exclamations of how resilient he is to already be recovering from his fever. 

Suga grabs onto Noya who has been rubbing closely against Hinata’s shoulder, and tugs his arm sharply away from the freak duo. Their vice-captain scolds them, "Don't crowd him like that, give him room to breath!”

Noya and Tanaka both comedically bow at Suga in perfect synchronization, muttering their apologies under their breath. Kageyama looks away, thinking they are also apologizing for something else, and he doesn’t want to tear up all over again.

“There’s no time for apologies, so don’t apologize to me,” Suga taps his foot impatiently as he gestures for them to raise their heads. Daichi gives Suga a motion to his wristwatch that he always wore after matches to keep track of their schedule. Suga nods at their Captain and orders the second years, and the remaining teammates in the room, “You all need to pack up to the bus right now. We'll all catch up later, Takeda-sensei and Coach Ukai are waiting. No more delaying, so get going!" Noya and Tanaka pout together, appearing distressed that they’re leaving their sick kouhai behind. 

"Awww. Fine. See you later, Hinata!" Noya says with a wave.

Tanaka pats Hinata’s shoulder as he leaves with his large gym bag, "Feel better!" 

Asahi waves quietly at them his eyes red rimmed, and Yamaguchi gestures a farewell over his shoulder as he rushed to catch up to the simmering Tsukishima, still in a bad mood over their loss. Kageyama couldn’t blame him, he’d been the same way after the match. Kageyama is surprised the third years aren't punching a hole through the walls right now in frustration. Perhaps they'll wait until their kouhais have gone before they express any disappointment over their loss. 

As their Captain comes over to the freak-quick duo, Kageyama tells him his plan. "I'm taking Hinata back to the walk-in.” Before he attempts to plead his case to them for him to be allowed to go with the barely-speaking-feverish-Hinata, Suga gives him his black winter jacket and track pants to slip over his shorts as if he already knew Kageyama planned to go with Hinata the minute they arrived back to the locker room. He stiffly takes the clothes with a slightly awkward expression, uncertain whether smiling would be appropriate given their current situation. 

Suga grins easily as he always does, "We'll take care of your stuff for you," he motions with his thumb to Kageyama's gym bag that he'd left on the bench before their match today and Kageyama remembers how hyper-focused he was then. How ready he was to win it all. Now he only feels empty and sad that he won't be fulfilling his promise to reach nationals with the third years. Even if it wasn't meant to be, and they weren't good enough yet, the outcome still stings a bad taste in his mouth.

After he finishes getting his clothes on, Daichi sidled up to him and holds up a blue flip phone into his line of sight. "Don't forget your cellphone. Call us when they tell you how he is," Daichi reminds, "so we're not worrying anymore."

Kageyama knows Daichi means Suga and himself by 'us' so his head instinctively turns to the Vice Captain who is adjusting Hinata's borrowed scarf that got loosened around his neck in his rush here. He overhears Suga tutting at Hinata for, ‘pulling down your face mask.’ The silver haired teammate adjusts the mask back over Hinata’s flushing face as the young boy mumbles of how Suga is ‘overreacting’.

Kageyama jolts away from his stare at the comforting moment between his teammates when he feels a squeeze on his shoulder from Daichi on his right side. 

Daichi reassures him, "He'll be okay.”

His brown eyes were always warm and a relief to look at after stressful practices, because he always felt like Daichi silently understood your problems without comment or complaint, but made it known he was here for them if they ever needed him to be. Their Captain continues, “Just focus on actually getting him there before he starts worrying about all of us again."

Kageyama knows that's exactly the reason why Hinata sprinted here in the first place, the worry he had for them all and the need to be with the team, and to demand an answer as to why it turned out this way. They lost because they weren't quite ready yet, Kageyama knew this and would tell Hinata so later when he's no longer woozy and feverish.

"It's hard not to worry about you guys, but I'll try to get him to focus on his health - for now, at least. I can't make any promises for later when he's jumping out of his hospital bed," Kageyama replies.

Daichi laughs heartily in agreement, his eyes crinkling at the corners as they normally do when he laughs a little too hard. If Kageyama sees tears rimming his Captain's eyes as he opens them to silently observe Suga embracing Hinata as he rubs the first year’s shaky shoulders soothingly, he does not say anything in comment. He joins the watchful gaze of his Captain, his own fingers curling over his cell in his pocket, itching to join in on comforting Hinata as well, which felt ridiculous, and unnecessary when Suga is so great at it already.

...

Takeda-sensei briefly dropped by into the locker rooms as they were leaving and gave Hinata a light, but serious, lecture over the consequences of his rash actions. Kageyama assumed Coach Ukai didn’t come because Takeda-san knew the man might’ve been a little too rough on the precariously feverish Hinata. If Ukai had seen the middle blocker they’d definitely had been standing there longer, and Hinata may have been actually yelled at rather than stared at in an air of disappointment as Takeda-san did.

The freak quick duo bowed to their superior, Hinata nearly falling over in the process from severe dizziness. Kageyama quickly caught onto the boy’s jacket’s collar before he face-planted into the tiled floors, with a curse on his lips. “Don’t go bowing to people left and right, dumbass.”

“How can I not, we’re Japanese, Bakeyama?!” Hinata retorted heatedly.

As they walked to the now deserted entrance, Yachi hurriedly speed-walked towards them, where she had been waiting with Kiyoko-san, who appeared about to leave for the bus by the larger gym bag hanging off her shoulder. Saeko-nee-san, the previous Little Giant, and a tall man with short blonde hair he doesn’t recognize, who he assumes to be related to someone on the team, are wishing the manager farewell as they leave for the parking-lot together, likely all three of them needing to head back home to their families. Saeko-nee-san makes a gesture of salute to the three first years, who all wave back at her timidly. The Little Giant grins at Hinata yelling, “you did awesome, kid!” as he goes. Kiyoko-san also gives a silent wave and a tiny smile to them before she walks to the side of the building where the visiting teams buses are waiting.

“You’re coming with us too?” Hinata asks Yachi whose attention was still on the adults who said their farewells. She startles at the question before turning to the two of them with brows furrowed in determination, "I can't abandon my mission! And Kiyoko-san told me to watch over you too, Kageyama-kun!" 

"I'm not sick," Kageyama states bluntly.

"A sickness can overcome anyone. Also, I'm your friend, of course I'd come along to make sure you are both okay!" 

"Thanks Yachi!" Hinata says, while Kageyama bows in respectful thanks to her rather than yelling loudly as Hinata does. Yachi frowns, her expression souring at Hinata’s comment.

"Hinata, I'm still angry at you for you recklessly running away like that! What were you thinking?!"

"Um"-

"I don't think he was thinking properly at all, he just followed his instincts to see us right away," Kageyama answers on Hinata’s behalf calmly, knowing the frazzled middle blocker would not be able to respond under Yachi’s stern gaze. 

Yachi stalls her harsh look of unamusement into one that morphs into understanding, a sadness to her eyes that is palpable to them all. "I see," she said lamely after a couple seconds of awkward silence. "Still, please don't scare me like that again. I thought you were really hurt when we finally got back here." Her head turns down to the ground as she scuffs the floor with her sneakers.

Hinata grabs Yachi's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze before he locks their pinkies together. "I promise I won't,” Hinata speaks softly from behind his face mask that slightly muffles the quiet words. 

Yachi bursts into uncontrollable tears, at the genuine promise spoken aloud. Hinata becomes a frozen statue, awkwardly standing in front of her with his arms lifted in a placating gesture. Kageyama shakes his head with a sigh at his two friends’ antics and begins searching for Shimada-san who will drive them all to the hospital. He can hear a squawk from Hinata which he assumes means that Yachi is currently hugging him to ease her worries over Hinata's safety. 

She fumes, "I was in tears in front of Kiyoko-san because of you- you idiot! It was so embarrassing!" 

“I'm sure Kiyoko-san understood, Ya-chan , she's seen you cry plenty of times!" A loud sound of someone angrily slapping at another person's arm reaches Kageyama’s ears as he continues scanning the area to distract himself. 

"Hey! Don't hit a sick person!"

"I don't!” Another sound of a hit to emphasize her point. “Do that to Kiyoko-san!" 

Shimada-san decides to walk up to them then, an expression of confusion on his face at the two behind Kageyama who are seeming to be batting arms at one another, though really they are just poking at one another in an intense battle of retaliation. Kageyama just shrugs at the man, hoping that can convey his lack of involvement with the two bickering friends behind him.

...

The waiting room’s clock is ironically frozen in time, seeming to be broken. A hospital worker who grabbed two other waiting patients remarked to them that a maintenance person will soon come to correct it. No one had come after thirty minutes of waiting, and Kageyama only noticed it was frozen after Hinata had disappeared behind the dim looking hallway that led to the patient rooms. Hinata had at least been his usual finicky self- he’d grabbed and tugged at Kageyama’s fingers in weird games of rock-paper scissors or thumb wars, or simply to pick at a loose thread in Kageyama’s old jacket. Even while sick Hinata couldn’t sit still unless he were watching a volleyball match intensely.

After his call to be checked up by the doctor, Kageyama began staring at the room to somehow focus his attention on anything but their feverish teammate. It was dumb to worry over what can’t be controlled. A lesson Oikawa and Iwaizumi taught him after their loss in middle school to Shiratorizawa, a match he wasn’t very much involved in when he was only a first year. Despite this, he’d been worried for his senpais, and Iwaizumi gave him a long-winded lecture of how it couldn’t have been helped, and he didn’t need to stress over his senpai’s problems, or problems that cannot be fixed. Hinata’s fever wasn’t something he could reverse by worrying over, he needed to remain level-headed for the other boy’s behalf

After Kageyama finishes inspecting his nails for the third time, questioning whether or not it would be rude to take out a nail file while he waited, Yachi announced her leave to the washroom due to nerves from Hinata being gone for "far too long".

Kageyama thinks it's only been ten minutes since he disappeared into another hall but he lets Yachi cope with the tense situation however she needs to, confident in her ability to quell her own anxieties without anyone else bothering her. Shimada-san went inside the room with Hinata earlier, as the only adult present with them. Wiithout Yachi here for company, it's just Kageyama and Hinata's backpack, which she had been unconsciously wringing in her lap for ten minutes, her fingers turning red from the force of it. 

A ringtone blares deafeningly in the silent waiting room, and since an elderly person who is doing a crossword is the only other person in the room, he checks beside him, realizing the annoying jingle is Hinata's phone - _of course_ how could he think otherwise. Yachi wouldn't leave her phone lying around, she probably had it in her small purse that she took with her. He hesitates, but the sound is annoying, so he can at least do the favor of declining the call from whoever it is. If it’s Hinata’s cell, it’s probably the setter from Nekoma who Hinata is strangely close to, without even trying at all. No matter how friendly Kageyama attempts to be, the dyed-blonde haired boy always ends up scuttling away from his reach, as if compelled to avoid him at all costs. Hinata says he's too intense, Kageyama thinks Kenna just dislikes him personally. It's not like either of them are great socializers so it isn’t that big of a surprise any comraderie attempted by Kageyama has failed between the two setters. 

When he flips open the cell, he notices the contact name reads: Mom. And Kageyama pauses on clicking decline, guilt welling up in him because Hinata's Mom probably doesn't know what has happened to her son, and is likely wondering why Hinata hasn't already loudly called her on the phone in the locker rooms and animatedly retold her the match that they won as he usually does. Kageyama recalls how the adrenaline-boosted boy would call her while he waited for his other teammates to finish their snacks or complete their usual packing up to leave the building to the parked bus. The memory has him smiling unconsciously, for Hinata always looked so happy then.

Since the end of the match, it has already been two hours. Hinata's Mom must be extremely worried as to what's delaying her son from calling her, maybe already thinking he has been injured. The team are likely still driving on the bus back home, perhaps caught in traffic. Takeda may have been flustered after Hinata pulled that stunt and due to all the rowdy teammates he had to calm down after their loss he may have forgotten to contact Hinata's parents right away. 

He clicks accept without properly thinking of the implications of the action, that he'll have to socially interact with a person he can't even see, when he's already terrible at talking to people in person let alone over a phone call from a person sitting miles away. 

“Shouyou? Why haven’t you called me, I’ve been worried sick!” a woman’s voice exclaims into his ear, slightly fuzzy from what he assumes to be bad cell service. Even with the fuzziness, he recognizes the warm tone of a mother that cares for her son’s well being, his heart stutters at the precarious situation he put himself in, he’ll have to be the one to tell her Hinata’s sick - and she’s so far away. It didn’t feel fair to her, to have to wait to see or hear from her son again, breaking these facts to her will be painful.

“Um, I’m not Hinata.” Wow, very eloquently spoken, _of course_ he wasn’t Hinata, she can tell by his voice! He slammed his face pathetically into his palm in physical reaction to his bad speaking skills. “I mean, I’m Hinata’s teammate, he got a fever during the match so he is being checked by a doctor to see how he is.” The burden to speak these words melted away from his heavy heart, but he still waited tensely with his breath held for the mother’s response.

“He has a fever? Oh no, that’s terrible, I know how excited he was for this match. He must be very upset, that stubborn little son of mine doesn’t know how to properly rest or take care of himself, no matter how much I tell him to be careful. He doesn’t listen and tells me ‘ how can I ever sit still when I’ve got so much volleyball to practice!’ he needs to rest or he’ll get sick, I told him before he left!” she vividly recounts to Kageyama, who feels very much caught between wanting to agree with her how reckless Hinata is and also wishing to side with his partner’s drive to keep practicing, and to also defend that endless determination Hinata has, as one of his most commendable qualities. 

He utters awkwardy, “Um” -

“Oh, how rude of me, I’m Hinata’s mother, you can call me Hinata-san. And you must be the famous setter Hinata is always mentioning at dinner, Kageyama-kun. It’s nice to finally meet you, even through the phone!” she says excitedly, and Kageyama can see the resemblance between her and Hinata, the two are equally as easy to talk to, while simultaneously chattering a lot at once. Despite the awkwardness of speaking to someone he’s never met, he feels at ease with her. His cheeks are flushed from the implications of the mention of his name, without even speaking it himself. 

Hinata talks about him at home. To his family.

He didn’t know how to respond to this information, may be frozen in shock as well as embarrassment on Hinata’s behalf. Logically, he realizes that other people talk to their parents about their teammates or practices, and their friends, he supposes. Hinata and him were friends now, a development that has happened without Kageyama consciously acknowledging. He wasn’t the type of person to reveal much about his day to day life to his parents, who weren’t around very much in the first place. The closeness Hinata-san has to her son felt incredibly precious and rare, like a fragile jewel cradled in one’s palm. Beautiful, but a tiny thing to cherish. 

“Yes, I’m the setter, Kageyama. It’s n-nice to meet you as well, Hinata-san.” Calling someone else other than the fluffy haired boy with the name Hinata felt strange on his tongue, he couldn’t call her something friendly like Auntie though, when he has never really spoken to her before this moment.

“The pleasure is all mine, I guess you’re still waiting to hear the results from the doctors?”

“Yes, they haven’t come back yet to tell me anything, it’ll be a longer wait.”

“Okay, Kageyama-kun tell Hinata to call me when he can and tell me how he feels, or if he’s asleep, you can call me back. I just got home from work, so I haven’t seen the match. How did it go?”

“I think you should ask Hinata that when he calls you later, he can tell you all the details,” Kageyama mumbles, picking at the same thread Hinata did before he left to the doctor. It didn’t feel right to tell something so personal to Hinata-san, when Hinata should be the one telling her of their loss. She might find out from the news on T.V. if she watches it, but she might just wait for Hinata to call her back as she cooks dinner. 

“Alright Kageyama-kun, thank you for” - there is a loud noise in the background, followed by the sound of a screeching yell, “Is that _THE_ KAGEYAMA?! I wanna talk to him too!” 

Kageyama pulls the cell from his ear, the high-pitched voice of a young girl nearly causing his heart to burst out of his chest from the unexpected loud sound. “Wait a moment, Natsu!” - There is the sound of ruffling noises before he hears a, “Hello, Kageyama-kun! I’m Shouyou’s sister, Natsu! Can you make a volleyball move at the speed of light?! I heard you help Shouyou fly, how do you do it? Is it magic?!”

“Um…”

“Are you really _Kageyama-kun_? Are you pretending!?”

“Natsu, don’t babble on like that, let him have time to speak!” Hinata-san scolds in the background. Kageyama assumes he must be on speaker phone or Hinata-san has grabbed the phone away from Natsu’s clutches.

Natsu mumbles a demure, “S-sorry…” The two must be on speaker-phone then, Hinata-san is likely caving in to her enthusiastic daughter's whims.

“I-It’s okay. I’m not used to talking on the phone, sorry,” he mentions.

“Make it up to me by visiting us and showing me how to play volleyball! Shouyou is always _so_ busy with practicing or homework, he has no time to show me how to play anymore!” 

Kageyama smiles, “sure thing.”

Natsu yells, “bye-bye then!” 

“Goodbye,” he replies quietly.

Hinata-san adds, “thank you very much for taking care of Shouyou for me, please call us when you hear from him.”

Kageyama’s face burns a light pink at the compliment, but he also feels his heart swell in unhindered guilt at her heartfelt words. He hasn’t quite taken care of Hinata properly, since the boy ended up in the clinic and so feverish he could barely stand up properly without leaning on someone for support. “I-It’s no problem. I will definitely call back later,” he reassures her and with that, Natsu and Hinata-san both warmly say their goodbyes before he ends the call. 

Yachi returns right as he snaps the cell shut, her eyes curious as to who he was on the phone with. “Who was that?”

“Hinata’s Mom," he answers, "His cell was ringing and I was the only one here. I thought she should know where Hinata is, otherwise she’d be worried.”

Yachi nods excessively, the mere thought causing her face to become pale, “I can’t imagine how worried she must have been, it’s a good thing you picked up Kageyama-kun.”

The two sit in companionable silence as they wait for Shimada-san to reappear, Yachi skims her phone to keep her hands occupied. Kageyama watches the frozen clock, willing the clock hands to move. The elderly man turns a page of his newspaper. The thin paper crinkles, a lonesome sound escaping from the motionless waiting room. 

Kageyama picks at the thread once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this self-indulgent extra chapter.


	3. I'll be there for you, always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama and Yachi reunite with a feverish Hinata at the clinic.

Ten excruciating minutes later after Kageyama mentally arranged hypothetical lesson plans to teach Hinata’s sister volleyball, Shimada walks into the waiting area with news on his tongue. 

“You both can come in to see him now,” Shimada motions with his hand for them to follow him down the hall since the two first years had stood onto their feet as soon as Shimada-san appeared, both of them restless to meet their friend. Yachi strides forward to Shimada’s right side and Kageyama follows at the rear, feeling a little dizzy from standing up so quickly after boring holes into the white clinical walls.

Shimada continues on his explanation, straining his neck to turn his head back to Kageyama as well. “The Doctor said Hinata has a serious fever, so he’ll need to rest a little after taking medication with some hospital approved food, since he expended so much energy at the match.” 

“Poor Hinata,” Yachi says, her voice soft with concern for her teammate.

Kageyama simply nods and keeps up with their idle pace down the empty hallway. Lost in thought, he internally imagines a fake conversation with Hinata explaining the exchange he held with the boy’s family over Hinata’s tiny yellow flip phone. In all of these simulations, he is painfully awkward and can not artfully string the conversation he had on the phone into anything remotely cohesive, with Natsu’s interruption forming a wedge in simple explanations. 

Just as they approach the doorway, he recalls Daichi’s request to update him on Hinata’s condition so he pauses at the doorway as Hinata bellows a greeting to Yachi and sends a quick text message to Daichi that Hinata is okay and is now resting to recover. 

"Kageyama!” Hinata shouts just as he clicks send. 

He lifts his head to meet brown eager eyes. Well, as eager Hinata could appear whilst being attached to a stiff-looking hospital bed. The sheets are already crumpled at the edges, from Hinata thrashing around and Yachi forcefully pushes Hinata’s shoulders back from their excited bend towards his teammate. Kageyama notices the deep bags under Hinata’s eyes and how his breaths are scattering awkwardly between his greetings, the simple action now burdensome.

He shoves his cellphone back into his pocket and tells Hinata, "You look like shit," just as Yachi asks, "how are you doing?"

Hinata giggles, "Apparently I'm doing shit according to Kageyama." Even with his cheeks flushing from sickness he somehow manages to waggle his eyebrows provokingly. 

Kageyama scowls and avoids the smaller teen’s gaze, feeling warmth cloud to the apples of his cheeks. His glare lands on the empty chair beside the bed, with Suga’s scarf and Hinata’s winter jacket folded over it’s back. Shimada-san motions for Yachi and Kageyama to sit in the chairs beside the bed, while he crosses his arms and reminds, "you should eat your soup Hinata, then take the medication. Like the doctor just told you to do."

"Ugh, I'm so tired though, eating is so much _work_." 

Yachi remarks, "never thought I'd hear _you_ say that, Hinata-kun!" 

"Yeah, are you sure you're really Hinata? You always want to eat and ask for extra." As Kageyama mentions this his cell begins ringing in his jacket pocket, startling Hinata and Yachi’s laughter into silence. He picks it up immediately, recognizing their Captain’s contact name, and is not-surprisingly greeted by the soft voice of Suga’s voice instead, "Hello, so the fever wasn't serious?"

Kageyama’s eyes swiftly glance at Hinata, who is dwarfed in comparison to the bed and whose eyes blink slowly as Shimada hands him a spoon. The orange-haired boy frowns down at the plastic utensil, petulant even in this mundane task. "Ugh, it was a little serious, but he's going to be fine after some rest, Suga-san." 

Hinata brightens at the mention of Suga’s name and makes a grabbing motion at the cell. Kageyama rolls his eyes and states, "you can hear from him yourself, though." He hands the phone over.

"I'm fine Suga-san. Don't worry about me, I just need some food and rest." 

Kageyama hears the muffled noise of someone talking on the other end of the phone call, and Hinata's face falls, crumpling in near tears, "you're not the one who should be apologizing Daichi-san, _I_ should be the one apologizing. I shouldn't have left the burden onto you guys to finish the game, I should've _been there with you_." …. "Yeah, I know, I know, Kageyama said the same thing. Yes, he did. I know I did great. I just wish... _I'd have done a little bit more_, stayed _a bit_ longer.".... "I know, I can't keep dwelling on the what-ifs, it'll only make things worse." …. "Yeah, I'll try to. Tell Suga-san he did awesome as well, even when he sat on the bench. Yeah, enjoy your dinner, Daichi-san, let them know I'm feeling better and can't wait to practice with everyone again." ...."Yes, bye-bye," he ends his conversation and hands the cell back to Kageyama. 

Hinata immediately delves into his soup and Yachi tells him to slow down. 

The phone pressed to his ear crackles as if someone is moving it around, he can hear Daichi yelling in the background at Tanaka and Noya to sit down. Suga says, “Kageyama?”

“Yeah, it’s me again.”

“Okay, the team’s having dinner right now, don’t forget to eat as well, it’s important we all stay healthy. We don’t want our other _star player_ to get sick,” Suga jokes at the end, the usual amusement coats his lips and he can guess that he’s giddily covering his mouth to hold back his laugh. 

Suga then says with a more steady voice, “I’m serious though, make sure you eat.” Even miles away from them, Suga is still parenting them like he always does after big games. He would always hand the first years their drinks and jackets to keep warm, especially those who got cold easily like Tsukishima or Yachi. Suga would tease them or scold them if they didn’t listen while Daichi was the type to start shouting in exasperation if no one listened to his request. Kageyama didn’t want to think of what future matches will be like, to not have that soothing presence by his side any longer.

“I will. I’m not the type to skip meals,” Kageyama says.

“Right. I should be bothering Tsukishima then,” he giggles and Kageyama suspects Tsukishima is glaring a hole the size of Mars into the side of Suga’s head by the way Suga’s voice peaks higher as if he’s wheezing through his words. “I’ll see you later Kageyama, try to not pick a fight with Hinata for once in your life, will you.”

He can’t control the heat that burns over his face at the remark. He mumbles, “Why would I- um” -  
“Bye, bye!!” Suga lilts before Kageyama can stutter through a response and he hastily closes his phone, shoving the device into his pocket. There’s an odd silence around him and when he looks up, Yachi and Hinata are staring at him.

“What?” Kageyama asks, an edge of annoyance to his voice.

Hinata turns back to his soup shrugging and shoves a spoonful of soup into his mouth. Yachi smiles apologetically and provides no explanation to Hinata’s sudden avoidance in replying to Kageyama’s question. If anything, Hinata seems almost embarrassed from the way he clears his throat and opens his mouth only to immediately close it before saying anything aloud. Kageyama then realizes that Shimada is not in the room and before he can ask them where he is, the man in question opens the room’s door.

“I’ve just finished talking to Ukai. Everything is good on their end and he said when he called your mother to tell her how you were, she already knew you were in the clinic.”

Yachi says, “Oh! Kageyama spoke to her, that’s why!”

Hinata practically squawks in response to this knowledge, “He did what?!”

“She called your cell, dumbass, what was I supposed to do, ignore that call?” Kageyama explains, his eyes steely when they meet Hinata’s across from him, who blinks in obvious surprise. His cheeks are still rosy from the fever and his voice isn’t as loud as it usually was, throat crackly when he speaks, “Ah, I see. So you told her everything?”

“I was still waiting to hear how you were. I just said you had a fever, and we would let her know more later,” Kageyama says and Shimada adds, “She knows that the fever was serious because I texted Ukai before he called her. She said that she’ll wait till you feel well enough to call her back.”

Hinata continues sipping on his soup and hums in answer. Time passes idly as Yachi and Shimida speak of the match, listing off all of their best plays whilst not speaking of the disastrous end. They avoid the topic as a soldier is wary of a landmine underneath the soil they travel over. Hinata adds in his own commentary here and there, but for the most part he listens to Yachi’s request for him to focus on eating all of the soup so that he can take his medication.

Between this conversation, Yachi, Hinata, and Kageyama’s cells all ding a notification at once and when they all reach for them, they realize that Suga sent them all a photograph of the team eating dinner together at a restaurant they didn’t recognize. 

The place looks fancy, the room well furnished and Kageyama’s stomach vaguely grumbles at the sight of the half-eaten food in front of the team members. Everyone’s eyes are red-tinged still, but there is a sweat to the top of their foreheads and a glee in their eyes, from the way Noya’s eyes crinkle at the corners. How Tanaka’s arm latches around Noya’s shoulder, a peace sign thrown at the camera. The glee and hopefulness in their gazes is prominent from a simple glance. Ennoshita gives the camera his usual sleepy-eyed smile that’s lazy, but the twitch at his lip reveals how he finds the two goofy second-year boys in front of him to be humorous. Suga ‘s at the front of the frame and Daichi looks half surprised that he’s taking the photo, as if Suga hadn’t told him beforehand purposefully. Kinoshita and Narita are gleefully clinking their pop-filled glasses together at the end of the table, while Kiyoko gives the camera a tiny wave to say a polite greeting. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima are on the other side, near the end of the table. Tsukishima is pushing his glasses up, the only one visibly frowning, while Yamaguchi grins at the camera with a piece of rice stuck to the side of his cheek, the same one that dimples at the edge when he smiles. Ukai and Takeda are not in the shot, so perhaps they sit out of the frame from Suga and Daichi’s end of the table.

Hinata groans, “That food looks so good.”

“You couldn’t even stomach soup ten minutes ago,” Kageyama says.

Yachi giggles behind her hand and adds, “That’s true, Hinata. There’s no need to be jealous, you had your soup.”

Hinata frowns down at his spoon. “It’s hospital soup.”

“Yeah, and it'll help you feel better, who cares how you got it?” Kageyama argues, and Hinata sticks his tongue out at him before pushing the spoon past his lips. The setter rolls his eyes and Yachi placates Hinata, “You’re almost finished, only one more bite to go.” 

He finishes his soup and tells them all he wants to call his Mom to let her know how he is. Just as he flips open his cell, Yachi’s stomach rumbles loudly in the silence of the hospital room.

Her entire face becomes beet red at the sudden noise she caused and she bursts out in apology towards everyone. She ends her sentence with, “Oh, I’m sorry for being rude!” 

Shimada says, “Don’t apologize for your stomach! Ukai told me to treat you and Kageyama to some dinner as well. We’ll get something small so we can return by the time Hinata’s rested enough to leave.” 

Yachi stands up and nods her head in such a rush her bangs fly everywhere. She pats them down as she follows Shimada out, and Kageyama moves to go with them, but Hinata grabs onto Kageyama’s sleeve saying, “you can stay. If you want to.” His cell is still held in his left hand, but the right one on Kageyama’s sleeve tugs twice in a silent plea for him to stay by his side. 

Kageyama freezes at the blatant question in Hinata’s eyes and Yachi smiles as if she knows something that Kageyama doesn't. She says, "Don't worry Kageyama, we can bring you back some takeout. After Hinata rests enough we'll all be going home anyway."

The setter nods in reply and slowly leans back into his seat, languid. He hears Yachi’s footsteps tap out of the room and the two voices dwindle as they walk farther down the hall. Hinata asks, “Did my Mom sound angry? When you talked to her?” His voice cracks at the edge and Kageyama realizes as Hinata blinks down at his open phone, thumb hesitating on the call button that the boy sounds scared. No, terrified, that his Mom will be disappointed in him. Kageyama doesn’t think anger would describe Hinata’s Mom’s emotions, she couldn’t be angry at something the boy couldn’t even control. 

Because of this, he says, “Of course not. She loves you. Why would she be angry at you?”

“You’re right. I’m just nervous for no reason.”

Kageyama doesn’t think it’d be for no reason. He thinks that she’d disapprove of the way Hinata jumped out of a taxi car to see his teammates, but he also doesn’t think she’d hold a grudge over a mistake such as that. Hinata hadn’t exactly been coherently thinking then, he was feverish and desperate. Kageyama would never know what he’d have done if he was in Hinata’s position. Forced out of the game because of his body’s sickness, watching his teammates losing in live footage. Kageyama would’ve been tempted to run as well, maybe to run away perhaps in shame. Hinata was fearless though, he didn’t run away, he ran towards them all like a burning star careening to the Earth at lightning speeds. Bright and unstoppable, the boy’s legs moved on his own to Kageyama’s side. The setter didn’t know how to articulate how amazing you’d have to be to will yourself through those steps despite the pain crawling over your limbs. 

The phone rings and his Mom answers. Hinata glows in the hospital room while he greets her. Kageyama sits quietly beside the bed as Hinata babbles on to his mother. When tears form at the edges of his eyes as Hinata speaks of his loss, Kageyama doesn’t hesitate in holding onto Hinata’s hand that was previously clenching his sheets violently. 

He tugs the fingers free one by one and cradles the palm delicately as if he were inspecting the petals of a rose between his fingertips. Hinata’s breath eases, he clenches once, a silent thanks and Kageyama squeezes back in answer. He dozes off to the one-sided conversation and ends up falling asleep just as Hinata starts explaining to Natsu what’s in his hospital room.

He wakes up to the sound of Hinata’s obnoxious snort. Blinking his eyes open, he notices that Hinata is no longer speaking to his mother on the phone and is giggling at his phone. Kageyama’s eyebrows furrow and he lightly smacks the top of Hinata’s head.

“Hey! What was that for?! I’m sick you know! You can’t keep swatting at my head like that.”

“You’re supposed to be resting!” Kageyama growls, “I’m getting more sleep than you, and I'm not even sick!” He heaves at the end of his shout, realizing he may have overdone it by shouting at the boy while he’s not feeling well, but instead Hinata does his tiny snort again. 

Hinata says, “Relax. Don’t lose your voice in order to yell at me.”

“Shut up. What’re you even doing on your phone?”

“Kenma sent me this funny photo, he told me it was how I looked right now and I thought it was funny,” Hinata explains, turning his phone towards Kageyama. The photo was of a tiny puppy sleeping on the floor strangely and Kageyama couldn’t hold back his cackling laughter. 

“Yeah, I can definitely see the resemblance,” Kageyama says.

“Stop smirking at me like that,” Hinata says and he places the palm of his hand over Kageyama’s smile and pushes him away, half-annoyed, but also by the highness of his voice, he’s likely embarrassed by the joke’s meaning. “It’s not _that_ funny. I didn’t even know you got jokes till like two seconds ago.”

“Did you seriously just forbid me from laughing?”

“At me. Stop laughing at me. I’m sick.”

“Is that gonna be the excuse for everything from now on, I’m sick?”

“Yes, it is. Cause it’s true!”

“If you’re sick,” Kageyama starts and grabs Hinata’s shoulders who looks up at him in confusion. He continues as he pushes Hinata backward, so he’s completely lying down with his head against the pillows, “then you’ll sleep, like you’re supposed to, so that we can all get the hell out of here sooner. And go back to the team.” Hinata huffs, his cheeks bulging from his pout, his tiny eyebrows are curling inwards in his restlessness.

Kageyama places a hand on the boy’s forearm and squeezes lightly, “Come on, don’t tell me you’re sick with a fever and aren’t tired cause that’s bullshit.”

Hinata mumbles, “I guess I’m a little…”

“Then sleep, goddammit. Stop worrying everyone and get better.”

Hinata’s brows furrow, “I can’t help it.”

“I know that, obviously. Just go to bed.” He squeezes again and Hinata sighs, his eyes fluttering like tiny wings. 

“Can’t you be more, soothing? All you’re doing is squeezing my arm like a volleyball.”

“I’m not doing it like a volleyball, goddammit.”

“Stop swearing, I’m trying to be calmer,” Hinata snaps. The middle blocker’s forehead wrinkles slightly at this complaint. 

Kageyama breathes heavily through his nose and quells his annoyance with a deep exhale. He slowly slides his hand down Hinata’s arm in an attempt to be calmer and Hinata’s shoulders shiver. His hand stops it’s movement, “sorry. I’m no help,” he retreats his palm, berating himself for thinking he could ever be a reassurance to anyone. With a face like his, that would never happen. Before his hand retracts completely Hinata’s arm chases his palm, a tiny magnet following his movements. 

Kageyama looks at the boy, whose eyes are still furiously closed, under curling eyebrows deep in thought. “Hinata?” he asks.

“You can continue. It’s not bad, I was getting sleepy.” Hinata’s lips are red and cracked from the winter, he bites his bottom lip and Kageyama looks away, face burning. Hinata’s eyes may be closed but it felt like a crime to stare at something so vulnerable and open. Hinata’s palms were even open to the ceiling, so the action of sliding his hand down the boy’s arm and curling his fingers through what has been laid open to his reach is an easy action to fulfill. 

Hinata’s fingers loosely curl back, but as his breathes even out the grip begins to loosen so Kaegyama cups Hinata’s hand between both of his palms instead, like he’s covering a flame from the violent wind that threatens to burn it out, he protects that open palm like his life depends on the redness of those fingertips. Hinata’s nails are longer than his own, since he’s not a setter that files down his nails constantly like Kageyama does to maneuver the ball with ease. Kageyama doesn’t sleep, he cradles Hinata’s hand, hoping the tiny embrace will continue to lull Hinata into pain-free slumber.

Forty minutes later, Yachi and Shimada arrive back at the hospital room, the two are hesitant to break through the threshold at the sight of the calm air surrounding Kageyama and Hinata. It is rare to see the two so silent around one another, even if one is sleeping, the image is almost alien to Shimada who knows the two boys only as rowdy problem-causing teens rather than affectionate enough to hold hands with one another. Yachi doesn’t seem as surprised, but still is hesitant. Kageyama hears them though. 

He turns his head and nods as if he understands what Shimada wants him to do. Yachi says, “We’ll leave it to you then,” in a low whisper, pushing Shimada back into the hallway who will speak to the workers to let them know Hinata will be leaving.

Kageyama sighs, eyeing their joined palms and squeezes the motionless hand lightly. Hinata squeezes back and Kageyama jolts, his blue eyes widening. With his dark hair falling in his face he turns to the boy who rubs at his eye with his free hand and yawns. Kageyama eyes their still-entangled hands and attempts to pull away, but Hinata squeezes hard, almost painfully so and Kageyama’s hand becomes limp at the sudden attack. Hinata takes this chance to tightly grip his hand in a proper handhold rather than a threatening squeeze.

The orange-haired teen bites his lip again and Kageyama wonders if Hinata is purposefully trying to piss him off. “Why’re you in a rush? I just woke up,” Hinata asks.

Kageyama turns away, his head bent downwards in an attempt to conceal his nerves. “We have to leave, that’s why.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so we’ve got to go,” Kageyama explains, but his heart is squeezing painfully, far more than Hinata would be able to squeeze his hand. Because he knows the two of them will likely go back to how they were before all of this, to rough elbows and glares over shoulders. He wishes to ignore this revelation, but its utter closeness in occurring has Kageyama on edge.

Hinata quietly says, “Okay.” He is still holding Kageyama’s hand and squeezes it, almost unconsciously as he sits up in the bed. Then he stares at their hands in silence. 

Kageyama feels the gaze like a burn on his skin and the tension of the room has him on edge. He spits out, “What?” in hopes of understanding what is going through the other boy’s mind.

“I’m confused.”

“What?” Kageyama echoes again, feeling like a song left on repeat.

Hinata stares forward, his eyebrows pulling in half confusion. He explains, “I like this.”

“You like what?”

“Holding hands.”

Kageyama utters, “Oh.”

“Can we still do this, hold hands?” Hinata whispers, his voice cracking when he finishes the last word. His red-tinged fingers fall limp in the handhold, as if his limbs are too heavy and Kageyama instinctively squeezes the hand tightly in reassurance.

“You don’t hate it?” You don’t hate me, is what Kageyama means to say but can’t force himself to speak aloud.

“No.” Hinta stares forward, suddenly serious. And Kageyama believes him completely. When Hinata’s eyes blaze like that, he knows they're not lying to him. Hinata doesn’t mind being near him, holding his hand. All Kageyama feels is his heart opening up on its sudden relief. He exhales with a bend of his head, to stare at his thighs sitting on the chair by the bed, unable to meet Hinata’s fiery eyes directly.

Kageyama says, “If you want to, then yeah, later we can hold hands.”

“You don’t hate it either?” Hinata asks.

“No, why would I?”

“My hands are all sweaty and disgusting.”

Kageyama counters, “Well mine are ugly and calloused, so who cares?” 

Hinata’s smile wobbles and Kageyama covers his lips with the palm of his hand. “Don’t you dare cry. I told you we’ve got to go.”

“We’ll hold hands though?”

Kageyama nods and can feel his bangs swinging in the process, but hardly cares about the potential mess he’ll find his hair in later. He can only earnestly meet those brown eyes and refuse to back down from this new promise.

“Yeah, we’ll hold hands,” he grins.

Hinata pecks the back of Kageyama’s hand with those cracked lips that he can’t stop staring at and the setter startles back into his lethargic bones, like a zap of lightning is running through them, he suddenly feels energized. Hinata’s cheeks are still burning from a fever, and Kageyama knows that he’ll have to wash his hands later to ensure he doesn’t get sick as well, but for now at this moment the two partners on the court hold hands, their gazes unfaltering. 

Kageyama helps Hinata gather all his things, double-checking the room and bowing to the nurse that comes to disinfect the room. Yachi eyes the two of them, with a glint of knowledge in her eyes and from her nudge to Hinata’s elbow, Kageyama wonders what the orange-haired boy had told Yachi earlier, when he wasn’t listening. 

Yachi looks at her phone, reading a text, “Oh Shimada says the taxi is here, so we can go outside now.” Yachi walks ahead of them and Hinata is still restless in his sick state, perhaps the small amount of sleep was enough to stabilize his usual habits. Kageyama instinctively attempts to control his erratic movements by nudging against the boy’s arm in a watered-down attempt at a harsh poke meant to bother Hinata. Instead, the boy’s hand extends out, palm up in expectation. And as usual, Kageyama can’t deny Hinata’s request just as he can’t deny the boy’s eyes as he pleads for a toss on a court. 

The two interlace their fingers as they leave through the clinic’s automatic doors, one sick and the other burning on fire from holding the sun in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is finally finished! I hope you all enjoyed this self-indulgent story. This was mainly just angst with fluff that follows and I feel like Hinata and Kageyama are either the type to fall in love violently, as in a rival-like fight and then end up kissing in a fit of passion, or alternatively, they're just super awkward and slowly do tiny things until they realize their romantic feelings for one another. So I chose this option in this because Hinata's sick and I think the two would just want to comfort each other rather than full-on kiss one another in such vulnerable moments after a lost match. Idk, what do you guys think? Let me know in the comments below!


End file.
